Lounging about the boardroom earlier, I ransacked a dusty bookcase. One of the treasures I made off with -er, that is, preserved for future historians - is a 1951 tome, "Standard Boardroom Practice: Prepared By A Special Commitee Of The Institute of Directors Under The Chairmanship of Lord Tangley With A Foreword By Viscount Chandos."
(VISCOUNT CHANDOS! UNDEAD SCOURGE OF A HUNDRED KINGDOMS!)
It begins:
"This book is the outcome of many months' discussion by a special commitee of the Institute of Directors of which the members were Lord Tangley (Chairman), Mr John Corbett, Sir Nutcombe Hume, Mr Harald Peake, Mr Alfred Red, Sir Halford Reddish, Mr F.W. Willis and the late Lord Weeks."
The late Lord Weeks? The late Lord Weeks?
What, did they summon him via by the black arts and necromancy, or just prop up the body in a corner? And did Sir Halford Reddish feel a little inadequate confronted by the most-definitely-the-definite-article Alfred Red?
On the question of expenses, after reflecting on the sad state of affairs now the plebians can actually claim them:
"Should a wife accompany her husband abroad on business trips? From the standpoint of the company - the overruling consideration - there is no doubt that there are often occasions when the presence of a man's wife is of considerable direct benefit to the company.
Indeed, in some foreign countries the unaccompanied male is regarded with some disdain. This apart, there is the human consideration that a director, in fact any employee, who is required by the company to travel abroad a great deal runs an abnormal risk of getting involved in domestic trouble.
In these circumstances the company has a special responsiblity which, through the board, it can discharge by encouraging husbands to take their wives from time to time."
...yeeeeeeeees.
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This means that when you travel abroad, Mr. M., you'll have to enlist the help of some poor girl to latch onto your arm and say all squeaky-like,"this is my husband. yes, yes, yes he is".....to save you from getting into DOMESTIC TROUBLE.
ReplyDeleteYou might even receive a free fruit basket. *waggles brows* that makes it all worth it!
we should hold auditions in secondlife.
ReplyDeleteim sure we can find classy ladies there.
*buffs nails* Honey, don't I know it?
ReplyDeleteLadies (and Bee and Lily):
ReplyDeleteLet me put it this way.
NO.
but..but i had the ad all written out!
ReplyDelete"YO! LOOKING FOR AVAILABLE (REAL)LADIES TO DATE (REAL)MAN! NEED REAL CLASS ACTS! NO TROLLOPS! WANTS TO TAKE YOU TO SUCH EXOTIC PLACES SUCH AS PARIS(IN SL),PROUGE(IN SL) AND DETROIT(REAL LIFE1!!)!
HE IS: TALL
YOU: LIKE CHEESE, LIKE THE COLOR PURPLE, KNOW WHAT A SCONES IS, AND ARE ABLE TO DISERTECT 18TH CENTURY LIT.
(offer only good in the UK. limits supply available, first come first serve basis. coupon not valid for currancy exchange. exspires June 1, 2009)
Wait wait-- he said ladies AND BEE AND LILY. That means I'mma LADY!!!!!111
ReplyDeleteyeah rub our noses in it, kat monster.
ReplyDeleteyou misread--- lady-like, the "like" is silent.
ReplyDelete